The Student After Life

Valuable lessons to take away from college as the real world approaches

Master the fine art known as BS-ing

on March 21, 2012

Writing a resume makes me want to cry. “Do potential employers care about this? Do they care that I worked here? Oh god, my grade point average sucks.”

Add resume writing on top of the stress of searching for a job and it’s no wonder people stay in school for 4+ years. “Whaddya mean I have to have 2 years of professional experience?! How am I ever going to get professional experience if nobody will give it to me?!”

Heck, last night I applied for a job that I’m so not even qualified for. I applied for 5 different positions with the Washington Nationals (Nationals Human Resources- If you’re reading this, I’d really like a job! (:  ) Ok, they’re not reading this, but a little sucking up never hurt anybody.

A little BS-ing on a resume never hurt anybody either.

My very first job was at Blockbuster (which I’m sad to say has now gone out of business- R.I.P). Not a very glamorous job, but my mother told me that you never diss a company that’s willing to pay you. I was able to BS this job enough on my first resume to make it sound like I was THE Blockbuster.

I was also able to make it sound like I was an essential part of Target’s payroll. I made it sound like if I wasn’t at work, the whole store would just fall apart- when in fact it meant someone wouldn’t be sitting at the fitting room giving customers that little plastic card with a number on it.

I’m sorry to say that neither Blockbuster nor Target made it onto my big girl resume. Employers aren’t going to care that I can straighten shelves and hand customers plastic numbers.

What DID make my resume was a perfectly BS-ed description of my Defense Contracting job. Now, I’m not saying you should make things up- that’s a huge no-no. What you do have to do is make yourself sound like an invaluable employee. Make your responsibilities sound bigger than the were.

The first thing I have underneath the Defense Contracting job is “Lead researcher of a team responsible for collecting and analyzing data for a biometrics database project for Department of Defense (DoD) use; collaborated with legal team on accuracy of data and areas needing further research”

Wow that’s a mouthful. It’s also 100% correct. It also makes me sound like I the head honcho of that company when in fact I was just a temporary employee. I somehow managed to take “Had a couple conference calls and meetings with one or two other people about collecting data” and “Leaned back in my chair and told my cubicle partner ‘Okay, I’m going to research these 3 countries, you take these 3′” and turn it into that brilliant sounding bullet point.

Lead researcher has a nice ring to it.

Buried under all these personal examples is a very important lesson. Make yourself sound important. Jobs want two years professional experience? Make it sound like you’ve already had that. Learn to master the fine art that is BS-ing. It could lead to bigger and better things…like oh, I don’t know….a job with the Nationals. They’re still not reading? Rats. Maybe one day. I did highlight on my resume that I was proficient in various blogging platforms. 🙂

Until next time…

P.S. Thanks mom for the blog idea!


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